i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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