remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
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it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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