i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
