A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
