that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
