Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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