Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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