I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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