I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will be naked everywhere
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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