I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
