I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
