We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Small penises have feelings too.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
