I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
