Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
