Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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