My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
