Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
