He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
