i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
