Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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