he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize