speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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