Your face is a jimmy john
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.