So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
