and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
