My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
