True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
