you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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