____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
