How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
