I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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