you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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