walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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