Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
