now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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