yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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