i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
