Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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