Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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