Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
