did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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