you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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