Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
