Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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