I didn't shave. On purpose
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
