At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
