do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
