yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
