Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize