I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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