It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
