Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
