btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
