Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
