babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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