ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
