Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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