The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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