Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
