Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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