return my video game
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
