i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
