last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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