You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
