next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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