I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
