Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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