He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
