I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
